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Toolndie7

Joke of the day

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What do you get when you cross human DNA with goat DNA?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kicked out of the petting zoo!!!!

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38 minutes ago, suzukiray said:

What do you get when you cross human DNA with goat DNA?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kicked out of the petting zoo!!!!

I was thinking 72 virgins.

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5 hours ago, suzukiray said:

What do you get when you cross human DNA with goat DNA?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kicked out of the petting zoo!!!!

Ali Muhummad Sahib Skyhook (or something close to it.)

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Yesterday, I wore my Vietnam Veteran cap to Wal-Mart.  There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer, but since I retired trips to "Wally World" to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief.

 

Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment.  But, I digress, . . . enough of my psychological fixations.

 

While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Viet Nam Vet?"

 

"No," I replied.

 

"Then why are you wearing that cap?"

 

"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812 . . ."

 

I thought it was a snappy retort.

 

"The War of 1812, huh?" the Walmartian queried, "When was that?"

 

God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity.

 

"1946," I answered as straight-faced as possible.

 

He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1946?"

 

"It was a Black Op.  No one is supposed to know about it."  This was beginning to be way fun!

 

"Dude!  Really?"  He exclaimed.  "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"

 

I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not surprised.  I was the only Caucasian on the mission."

 

"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome!  But, didn't you kind of stand out?"

 

"Not really.  The other guys were wearing white camouflage."

 

The moron nodded knowingly.

 

"Listen, man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this.  It's still 'top secret' and I shouldn't have said anything."

 

"Oh yeah?" he gave me the 'don't threaten me look.'  "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"

 

With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you?  We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?"

 

The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door.  The lady behind me started laughing so hard I thought she was about to have a heart attack.  I just grinned at her.

 

After checking out and going to the parking lot, I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman.

 

Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction. 

 

Giving him another "deadly" serious look, I made the "I see you" gesture.  He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.

 

What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back wearing my Homeland Security cap.

 

Then the next day I will go to the driver's license bureau wearing my Border Patrol hat, and see how long it takes to empty the place.

 

Whoever said retirement is boring?  You just need to wear the right kind of cap!

 

See you guys 

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:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

let me guess, your mission was to assassinate Mao Tse Tung in the war of 1812 in 1946 so he couldn’t interfere in the Spanish American War back in 1952. Good job Mac!  But I would be careful who you tell.

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Actually I was hoping to prove that Andy Jackson was a time traveler and morphed into Michale Jackson with a bleach job

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Go to your Wal-Mart and watch, you will observe Wal-Mart-ians in action, I think they live behind the deli.

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The only cow in a small town in Texas stopped giving milk.

The people did some research and found they could buy a super milk cow up in Antigo, Wisconsin, for $2,000.00.

They bought the cow from Wisconsin and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Wisconsin?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Wisconsin?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Wisconsin."

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Fucking Annie-go eh 

 

 

ps ever wonder why I’m single and pissed off like a bull

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Doc, you know Wisconsin. Been to Antigo with my son’s basketball team a number of times.

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6 hours ago, Armed Eye Doc said:

The only cow in a small town in Texas stopped giving milk.

The people did some research and found they could buy a super milk cow up in Antigo, Wisconsin, for $2,000.00.

They bought the cow from Wisconsin and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Wisconsin?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Wisconsin?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Wisconsin."

This was not funny, it made me cry because it is true. But at least my right arm is getting massive!

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No joke, just the truth.

”Expectations:
A woman marries a man, expecting him to change.  A man marries a woman, expecting she won’t.”

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On 6/21/2018 at 11:45 PM, ARTrooper said:

This was not funny, it made me cry because it is true. But at least my right arm is getting massive!

Once a year use your left and call it a one night stand.

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Pelosi and Schumer decided to stop in fly over country to 
see what was really going on..

They took some old clothes and rented a dog.

They were buying drinks at the local bar and one of the local
ranchers walks in and lifts the dogs tail.. 

And another .and another and another..

Nancy finally asks the bartender what was going on.

he replies... Word on the street is that there is a dog
in here with two assholes

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On 7/10/2018 at 9:37 PM, Armed Eye Doc said:

Pelosi and Schumer decided to stop in fly over country to 
see what was really going on..

They took some old clothes and rented a dog.

They were buying drinks at the local bar and one of the local
ranchers walks in and lifts the dogs tail.. 

And another .and another and another..

Nancy finally asks the bartender what was going on.

he replies... Word on the street is that there is a dog
in here with two assholes

AWESOME!!!

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