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Toolndie7

Joke of the day

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Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: “I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.” The other student says: “No, I don’t think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class.” Since they couldn’t agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, “We’re medical students and couldn’t help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn’t agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?” The old man said, “I’ll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think.” The first student said, “I think it’s Peltry Syndrome.” The old man said, “You thought – but you are wrong.” The other student said, “I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.” The old man said, “You thought – but you are wrong.” So they asked him, “Well, old timer, what do you have?” The old man said, “I thought it was gas – but I was wrong, too!”

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Ricky Gervais LAID IT DOWN at the Golden Globe awards a couple days ago - destroyed the entertainment industry, and held no punches.  Well done...  :lmao:

 

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11 hours ago, 98Z5V said:

Ricky Gervais LAID IT DOWN at the Golden Globe awards a couple days ago - destroyed the entertainment industry, and held no punches.  Well done...  :lmao:

 

Loved it I don't see those shows, but I wanted to see that. 😆  the truth hurts

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I love that he slipped in a Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself...and then called those who didn’t like that joke, friends of Epstein. 

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3 Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin’ the breeze.


1st Hillbilly: “My wife sure is stupid! She bought an air conditioner.”

2nd Hillbilly: “Why is that stupid?”

1st Hillbilly: “”We ain’t got no ‘lectricity!”

2nd Hillbilly: “That’s nothin’ My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin’ machines!”

1st Hillbilly: “Why is that so stupid?”

2nd Hillbilly: “Cause we ain’t got no plummin’!”

3rd Hillbilly: “That ain’t nuthin’! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! … I was going through her purse the other day lookin’ fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar. ”

1st and 2nd Hillbillies : “Well what’s so dumb about that?”


3rd Hillbilly: “She ain’t got no pecker!”

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This realy happened, that's what makes it so funny!!!


Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.

This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening,
customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.


Here is the exchange:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you -

the part about her being dead?'

Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'


Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given).

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given).


After they get the fax:

Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death.
I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great!
If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'
(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address? '

Citibank: 'That might help...'

Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???

(Priceless!!)

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Late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in North Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea.

He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is the coming winter going to be cold?”

“It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,” he was responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again, “Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?”

“Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “it’s going to be a very cold winter.”

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. “Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”

“Absolutely,” the man replied. “It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.”

“How can you be so sure?” the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, “The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood.” 

 
 

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