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Joke of the day


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Are You a Democrat, a Republican or a Southerner?

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a

deserted street with your wife

and two small children.

Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife

comes around the corner, ,

locks eyes with you,

screams obscenities,

raises the knife, and charges at you...

You are carrying a

Colt 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?



Which of the following most closely matches your answer?

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

What is a Colt 1911 cal. 45 ACP?

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

How many rounds does this magazine hold?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.

Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior?

I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

This is all so confusing!

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........ ......... ..

Republican's Answer:


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........ ......

Southerner's Answer:



Click..... (Sounds of reloading)







'Nice grouping, Daddy!'

'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!


'Can I shoot the next one?!'


'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!'

Edited by .308LiteHunter
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I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business and patiently waiting for it to turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud  Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me. Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah!" Death to America" and took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that could have been me!
"So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.



LMBO. I just shared that with a friend who's a truck driver.


None off


Are You a Democrat, a Republican or a Southerner?


None of those answers really apply to me, so I'm not sure what I am. My answer involves duck tape, IVs and power tools.

Edited by MaDuce
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These two old buddies decide to go deer hunting for the first time in their lives.

On the first day they shoot a big buck.

They each grab a side of the rack and start dragging the buck out of the woods snagging every branch, bush and root as they go. After an hour they've only made about 150 yards when another hunter happens upon them. He explains to them that if they drag the deer by his hind legs he won't snag on every thing.

They give it a try. After about 15 minutes old Earl said, "you know, this does work much better ". Clyde responds "I don't think so, we're getting further away from the pickup truck with every step ".

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A man was leaving town on a long business trip and he didn't want his wife getting "lonely" so he went to a sex shop to buy her a dildo. As he looked around he noticed one dildo in a case that didn't look like anything special but had a $20,000 price tag. He asked the store clerk what the big deal was. The store clerk said, "Oh, I'll show you!" and then said, "voodoo dildo....the door". The dildo magically rose from the box and began pounding the door hard and rapidly. After several seconds the clerk said, "voodoo dildo.....the case" and the dildo magically returned to it's case.

The man said, "WOW!! That's amazing. I'll take it!!

So he returned home and his wife wasn't there. So he left it for her in a pretty gift box with instructions on how to activate it.

His wife returned later that day to find it. She decided to try it out and said, "voodoo dildo... my vagina" it magically rose from the box and started pounding her, causing orgasm after orgasm. But it eventually started interfering with her responsibilities so she decided to put it away. That's when she realized her husband forgot to leave instructions on how to turn it off. So she left for the hospital to see if they could do something. But the voodoo dildo was causing her to drive erratically which got the attention of a police officer who pulled her over.

As the officer approached her window, he noticed her squirming around and said, "lady.... have you been drinking?" She replied, "No officer, it's a voodoo dildo." The officer replied, "Voodoo dildo my a$$."

Edited by MaDuce
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I'm not going to play the "which is better" game. I know better then that. But I have fired dozens of 1911s including Springfields, Colts, Kimber, LAR Grizzly, Taurus, and probably 3 dozen others I don't recall or never got the names of. I also have a HK USP .45, The LAR Grizzly was super accurate but fired a cartridge that's almost impossible to come by anymore (.45 Wind Mag). Beyond that, I'll take the HK USP over any 1911 I've ever fired any day. That's just me and my own preferences.

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