suzukiray

Tom sent me a picture of his new tatoo!!!!

HEMI, I am deeply saddened that MY joke would remind you of a guy giving a blowjob!!! LMAO!!!!

I found another picture of Tom trying to shoot ammo he doesn't have a gun for yet!!!

A guy walks into a bar sits down and tells the bartender "12 shots of your best whiskey, line em up!!" The bartender replies " Look man, we got GOOD whiskeys here, you'e talking 30 bucks a shot!" To which the guy replies "12 shots, POUR EM!!" The bartender sets up 12 shot glasses and pours 12 shots. The guy goes right down the line, boom, boom, boom...... Does all 12 shots. The bartender looks at the guy and says "Damn! I'e NEVER seen anyone drink like that before!!" The guy replies "If you had what I've got you'd drink like that!" The bartender says "Oh no man, what do you have?" The guy says "Six dollars!!!"

Los

Tootie Green A guy goes into the confessional on Saturday afternoon and says to the priest, Father, he confessed, it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Tootie Green twice last month. The priest told the sinner, You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys. Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Tootie Green twice a week for the past two months. This time, the priest questioned, Who is this Tootie Green? A new woman in the neighborhood, the sinner replied. Very well, sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Marys. At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching shiny emerald-green shoes. The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear. The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, Is that Tootie Green? The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, No Father, I think its just a reflection from her shoes...

I'm building a new Dragbike that will be the LAST one I build for myself. Basically a 90" wheelbase Top Fuel chassis, that will be powered by a 2 liter Ecotec engine with a turbo on methanol, with a B&J 2 speed trans & a torque converter instead of a clutch. This engine combo will make 1400 hp but I will back it down to 1000 so I can run it all year without needing to take it apart. Hoping to go 6 teens at 220 in the quarter. If it does, I will be able to turn it up & run close to Larry McBride numbers!! That's my goal anyway. So, yeah, that boat would be entertaining.

Hell YES!!!!!

Colonoscopy Being nervous, and embarrassed about my upcoming colonoscopy on a recommendation I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly more gentle and accommodating. As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure. "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," the nurse told me. "I haven't got an erection," I replied. "No, but I have," replied the nurse. Don't get a colonoscopy in San Francisco!

MILITARY JOKE: A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed... A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either."

Don't let this distract you from the fact back in 1978 I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’ So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty. ‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. ‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments. She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked. I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her. She fainted.”