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suzukiray

Specialist
  • Content Count

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About suzukiray

  • Rank
    DNP's Friend (Beware)
  • Birthday 05/21/1961

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Disneyland (Goofy Bastard)
  • Interests
    I drag race motorcycles, build & restore Suzuki GS1100s & 1150s & build race engines. I do a LOT of head porting every year & that's how I relax. Now I have this new AR disease to figure out how to deal with!

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972 profile views
  1. Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada, and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please." The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?" "Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car, and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees. "Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country. The history, the beer, the culture..." "Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson beer, that's us, eh Jim? "So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender. "It's the only chance Jim gets to fooking drive."
  2. Now, back to the lighter side!!
  3. BIOLOGY EXAM: This is straight from Scotland. Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote: 1) It is perfect formula for the child. 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6) It is always available as needed. And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote: 7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it. He got an A+.
  4. The spoon. A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization. Very Impressive! Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, " Steve's Place, " and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?' 'Well, 'he explained, the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.' As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had thesame string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?' 'O h, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom , by tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%. I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?' 'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
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