Old People Can Drive You Nuts

[imschur]

We are having trouble with the in-laws health. I'm getting real frustrated because they are very secretive and we cant tell if we are getting the truth about their health status.

Mother in law had some scary symptoms she was not sharing with the family. She slipped up during lunch with me one day. Then tells me not to tell her daughter, my old lady. I remained calm until my old lady and myself were alone driving to work. At this point I blew a gasket. Later that night we convince her to call a doctor. She gets an appt for the next day. Upon visiting the doctor they rush her to the hospital. The mother in law had blood pressure that was 230 over something. Scary stuff. The hospital staff at first suspected the machines were not working properly. Four different people performed a manual blood pressure check and get the same results. Eventually they decide to give her some meds and got it down to 190.

At that  point a heart doctor comes in and explains the need for a battery of tests. At this point the father in law speaks up and is concerned that insurance wont cover the costs and does she really need the tests. Frigging doctor was speechless at this asshole. Worried more about the money than whether his wife of 55 years might die of a heart attack right before his eyes.

My old lady rips up her father and he shuts up. A bit of time goes by and the doctor decides that if her BP keeps going down she could go home in a few hours. Relieved the old man says "Well I guess I can go home now, someone else can drive you home" I'm seeing red after that comment. That selfish bastard had a near death experience from myself and my old lady. He ended up not leaving :)

So fast forward the mother in law is supposedly going for ultrasounds, ekg's and other tests. Today I confront her at lunch. She says........"I think I'm ok, they wont know until they have a few months of tests to compare ".

At this point I think she's lying because she's embarrassed or lying because her cheap ass-hole husband is guilting her into not getting the tests she should be getting for fear they might have to spend some money.

For perspective this guy told his wife she wasnt eligible for social security. When someone asked her at the hospital why she was not getting SS he said he was concerned that if she got it that it would "come out of his money".

She's 78 years old and just  started collecting. Was able to get a few years of back pay but not the years and years she was entitled too.

Freaking nuts.....

[unforgiven]

I can totally relate brother Drew,my dad was a piece of work.High blood pressure is no joke the amount of damage heart,eyes,kidneys is brutal.Good luck bro.I thought if you had documentation SS would get all the money owed to you. <dontknow>.

[weaponizer]

Its really sad how many people lose money because they are misinformed about the information that they get second hand instead of calling SS and getting real answers...

I was talking to an elderly woman who was working as a store clerk, and the subject came up about that she has to work because she was divorced and that her husband also had died, i said are you getting his SS, she said what? i told her she was eligible for it, and to apply...A while later i met her while shopping and she stopped me to thank me for the extra money she was getting and she didn't have to work anymore...I felt good all day after that...

[shepp]

glad im young enough that i dont have to deal with that, my parents are outta that stubborn im not going to the DR era. or atleast they are smart enough to go in regularly. i would hate to deal with that poop.

[imschur]

The other thing thats very frustrating by the time we are aware of a problem it's a BIG problem. If they would be honest with themselves and go to the doctor at first sign of trouble it would most likely be easier and cheaper on them. instead they wait untill it becomes an emergency.

The old man has lime disease. Took meds for about a week. Says he fine. Yet he groans with every move. When he picks up a cup of coffee you would think he was lifting 200 pounds.

[Pappy1600]

Have patience man, it's hard with older people, they are set in thier ways and hard to break them from that, My mother in law refused to go to the doctor for years and she paid the price for it at the end by having a stroke. my father before he died was stuborn as hell also, when I had to call the ambulance for him because his blood pressure was high and the medics asked him if he had taken anything for his blood pressure, he just pointed over to the bottle of Scotch on the kitchen counter and said " I figured that would help" The look he received from the medic was priceless but then I know how my father was and thats what he believed would help him.

 

[unforgiven]

Bros in the trade who also hunt and spend alot of time out doors,a few caught that lymes and it put them out of the trade damn near crippeling them up.

[planeflyer21]

Older folks are terrified of losing anything, especially their independence.

Our Mom had been acting strange, then one day (a couple of years into the really odd behavior) one of my Mom's neighbors flagged down my sister.  Said Mom had been knocking on their back window, when they went to see what was going on Mom told them the exterminator was looking for them.

Mom was NOT happy (she even F-worded us) when we put our foot down and said assisted living.  In the short time she lived with us we woke up with the house totally filled with smoke...a couple of times.

I thought about this a few months ago when that 78 year old man got shot breaking into someone's home.

Jon

[unforgiven]

Dementia affected grandmother,uncle[early age],and mother-in law a real heartbreaker. :(

[Carne Frio]

Well, I am an "Old People".  Sometimes we look at life a

bit differently than our children.  I also worked in heath

care, hospitals and clinics, for over 30 years. I have been

around many patients and my own relatives at the end of

life.

1. With our aches, pains and long term illnesses, death

    with dignity is way more important the lingering or

    laying in a bed until the end.

2. Many of us don't trust the whole medical care system.

    We are treated like meat.  We know that the doctors

    only get paid when they do procedures. Many of the

    tests are painful and overly expensive.  Medicine is a

    huge business, whether private or government.

    The docs I worked with earned at least a million per

    year.

Making a medical decision  affecting a family member

based on just on economics, though, is wrong.

Anyhow, this is one opinion from a genuine old fart.

[planeflyer21]

Welcome Carne Frio!

It isn't just you older folks...the whole medical community treats everyone like meat.

Unless they are a special protected group.

Jon

[unforgiven]

I don't agree with that assesment on the medical community my wife has 30+yrs. in the business and people are still people to her.Once again you can't paint everyone with the same brush.Rene

[jeffreyC]

As a generalization though, the better your insurance the better you get treated, and if you really want first rate service pay cash.

[planeflyer21]

Sorry Rene...you are correct.

Just speaking on my experience.

Jon

[unforgiven]

There are still very compassionate people out there that don't care about ones socio-economic background.My wife is a nurse and quite a few people with means still treat her like poop.But good insurance can only help.

[unforgiven]

The biggest problem now seems to be is the people that self medicated,so when they come out of surgery and see my wife they are writhing in pain.So they give her poop when she asks them is they take pain meds they say it opates [norco,oxy,etc.] and they always lowball the amount they ingest so when she tries to manage there pain there is nothing she can do as there threshold is so high.Then they ask for specific meds. and she tells them if she gave them more they will stop breathing.Self medicating with opates is getting to be a HUGE problem.