MaDuce Posted January 21, 2014 Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) It's been a dark and gloomy week end. I'm in the mood for some jokes. It seams there are few highly cicrulated jokes going around I haven't already heard. But some of the best I've heard were made up by the individual I heard them from and some of the best of those I've heard from the gun community. So, let's hear them. Jokes YOU made up. Edited January 21, 2014 by MaDuce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaDuce Posted January 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) Here's a few of my own to get things started. Q&A jokes from when I was a kid. Q. Do you know what Romania said to Russia when Russia offered them Turkey? A. Norway too much Greece. I'm also not Hungary. Q. The strongest man in the wrld was arrested. Do you know why? A. He lifted a bank. Q. The tallest man in the world was arrested. Do you know why? A. He was high. Story jokes from the last few years. A terrorist cell in Afghanistan was expecting the US military to attack them the following day. But the cell leader knew that all cells the military engaged were wiped out and he didn't want his cell to face the same fate. So, in what appeared to be a stroke of genius he sat them in front of a TV and said, "Men, we will fight the Americans tomorrow and I want you to be best prepared. So I want you to watch this movie. It's called, "Black Hawk Down". It was made by the Americans and it shows how their soldiers really fight. Watch it and you will jknow best what to do when you face them tomorrow." So they all watched the movie as he ordered. When the Americans arrived the following day, the terrorists all promptly surrendered. ..... There was a vetrans day parade and WWII vets were marching with all their medals. Spectators noticed one fellow's chest was covered in medals but they were all nazi medals with silver crosses and swasticas. Spectators notified the authorities who pulled him aside and said, "Are you a German veteran?" He replied, "No, I am American." They then said, "It's a terrible insult to our troops for you to be marching with some medals you bought at some pawn shop. These men fought hard for our freedom and their medals are symbols of their accomplishments." The man replied, "You have me all wrong. I am a vet and these medals are simbols of my accomplishments. They're my trophy collection. Moral of the story. You don't win wars by dieing for your country. You win them by making the other SOB die for his. ...... This one was meant for kids. Probably a little too cheezy for most adults but great for telling kids at a babrbeque. Read the last sentince of the joke out loud or you may not get it. There was a knight and a dragon who were best friends. They did everything together. They both loved steak and the knight was a great cook. So they would kill a wild bull every day and the knight would marinade the meat over night and they would cook and eat it the next evening. One night, the knight marinated the meat but the next morning the dragon woke up and let out a big yawn causing fire to blow out of his mouth and cook the meat. They were both upset that the meat had been cooked early but they weren't willing to waste it, so they tried it anyway. To their surpprise it was very good. Realizing they discovered a new recipe, they called it the flaming yawn. Edited January 21, 2014 by MaDuce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
98Z5V Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 I can tell some pretty good stories. You heard about the beaver? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robocop1051 Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 I know one about a man from Nantucket. .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 There once was a beaver from Nantucket, Who made a soldier crap quite a bucket, Bashed on its head, Until 'twas quite dead, Soldier cried "Where went my pole?! Aawww phukit!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Microgunner Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Son, if you don't stop masturbating you're going to go blind. I'm over here Dad. Willie Nelson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 You know when a girl is to fat to fuk?? When she pulls down her panties and her p u s s y is still in them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shibiwan Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 This was hilarious... now I gotta go scar my kids (esp the two disney-loving 6yo's) for the rest of their lives... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
98Z5V Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 There once was a beaver from Nantucket, Who made a soldier crap quite a bucket, Bashed on its head, Until 'twas quite dead, Soldier cried "Where went my pole?! Aawww phukit!" <laughs> <lmao> THAT'S PERFECT!!! :hail: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted January 23, 2014 Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 You know when a girl is to fat to fuk?? When she pulls down her panties and her p u s s y is still in them. UUUGGGGHHHH!!!! Dammit Rene!! I can't unthink that!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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