Joke for the day.

[Sisco]

[shepp]

Hahahahahaha

[unforgiven]

Good one.... <laughs>

[392heminut]

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost spit my coffee on that one!

[sketch]

Haha nice!

[Microgunner]

Good laugh. I'm retelling that one.

[Sisco]

Any body have anymore?

[Sisco]

Q: Why didn't the man report his stolen credit card?

A: The thief was spending less then his wife.

[Microgunner]

Granddaughter visits Grandma because Granddad had passed away yesterday morning.

"Oh Grandma, I'm so sorry. What happened? "

"Well, we were making love and your Grandfather suffered a fatal heart attack."

"Making love! ? Granddad was 91 and you're 87. That's too old for love making."

"Well, we learned a technique about 30 years back that allowed us to continue making love the rest of our lives. Every Sunday morning we'd make love to the easy rhythm of the church bells ringing. This has worked perfectly for all these years until yesterday when that damned ice cream truck came by."

Edited March 23, 2014 by Microgunner

[Sisco]

Granddaughter visits Grandma because Granddad had passed away yesterday morning.

"Oh Grandma, I'm so sorry. What happened? "

"Well, we were making love and your Grandfather suffered a fatal heart attack."

"Making love! ? Granddad was 91 and you're 87. That's too old for love making."

"Well, we learned a technique about 30 years back that allowed us to continue making love the rest of our lives. Every Sunday morning we'd make love to the easy rhythm of the church bells ringing. This has worked perfectly for all these years until yesterday when that damned ice cream truck came by."

Oooh! That is choice!

[Sisco]

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy. I can't sell you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law. I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail. All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not. You CAN NOT have any cyanide. Just get a divorce."

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

[unforgiven]

<lmao>  Little Johnny goes to the  Pharmacist to get some rubbers for the first time,but the pharmacist was a women so he's embassed.She ask's "can I help you?".Little Johnny is red in the face and finally blurt's out "I need some rubbers".O ok what size do you want? Little johnny sez "I don't know,didn't know they came in different size's".She sez "you see that fence with the holes in the boards,stick you'r peepee in the hole that fit's and let me know".Little Johnny comes back a 1/2 hr. later and the women ask's him "well" ? Little Johnny sez "forget about those rubber's I'll take 10 ft. of that fence. ;D

[392heminut]

A lady once wanted a Chihuahua for her birthday. Her husband looked all over town for one, but the best he could do was a Schnauzer. She was disappointed but didn't let on to her husband because he had really tried to find a Chihuahua. The next morning she hopped on her bike and went to the drugstore and asked the pharmacist where they kept the Nair hair remover. He told her what aisle it was in and added "I need to warn you that some people have a reaction to that stuff and your legs might develop a rash." She answered back, "I'm not going to use it on my legs." and he said "If you use it under your arms you may have to walk around all day with your arms held out at your sides!" She then replied "I'm not using it under my arms either, I'm going to use it on my Schnauzer!" The pharmacist then blurted out "Lady, if you use that stuff on your Schnauzer you won't be able to ride that bike for a week!" <laughs> <lmao>

Edited April 10, 2014 by 392heminut

[Dracomeister]

Well there I wuz a walkin home frum the Church Corn Shuckin wit my dog Sue. She's a purty good ole hound but she's got a steak smart ass in er bout half a rick wide. I wuz a stickin out my thumb but wern't nobody stoppin on acount a Sue. Bout the time I hit rout 11 here cum wun a them bellerin snortin 427 cubic inch gofast machines.  Well the boy got er stopped and tol me he cud gimme a ride but ole Sue woodn't fit. I toll him that wuz OK cause she'd jist run along side.  Well brother, lemme tell ya, that ole boy done fired that big ole sporty car up an off we goed. Bout 30 mile an hour and he askd where wuz my dog.  I looked out an toll him she wuz a keep up. That boy jish pushed down on them peddles and smoked up sum rubber and run plum up ta bout 60. He kinda grinned over at me an askd where ole Sue wuz now an I toll him she wuz OK an still keepin up.  Well I think that kinda got under his skin a bit cause next I nooed he dun grabbed up nuther cuppla geers an we wuz a doin bout near two hunnert.  It wuz fair excitin I tell you whut!  Well he ast me agin where Sue wuz an I looked out ta make sure she wuz still there and toll him she wuz fine but that seemed ta really tick him off.  Next thang I nooed he dun showered done on them big ole carbon brakes and cum to a complete tar smokin stop in what seemed like 35 feet flat! He jumped out the car, run aroun an jist stood there a lookin at ole Sue who wuz jist sittin there wit a smart ass smile on er face, a pantin a bit and likkin her chops. He looked roun an ast "whats that ring roun her neck?" I had ta look ta see what he was a talkin bout an I says " Aw, thats just her ass hole, she ain't used ta stoppin that fast!"

[unforgiven]

"she ain't used ta stoppin that fast"..... <lmao>  <laughs> Ya kill me brother.LMFAO.

[Microgunner]

First day of school. The teacher asks Sally to stand up, introduce herself and tell the class what her father does.

 

"My name is Sally, my daddy is a doctor and he cures sick people."

 

Next.

"My name is Tommy and my dad is a police officer and he catches crooks."

 

Next.

"My name is Rhonda and my daddy is a fireman. He saves poeple's lives." 

 

Next.

"My name is Billy and my daddy is dead."

"Oh, I'm so sorry Billy. What did he do before he died?"

"He turned blue and $hit on the rug."

Edited April 11, 2014 by Microgunner

[planeflyer21]

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.

This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your a$$hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'



She replied, 'Probably golfing with his buddies”.

[sketch]

Gun Enthusiasts

You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.

By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable."

In Michigan, he'd be called "The last white guy still living in Detroit."

In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector."

In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector."

In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored

food."

In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend."

In Wisconsin, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."

In Alabama, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."

In Georgia, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."

In North Carolina, Virginia, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky and South Carolina he would be called "a deer hunting buddy."

And in Texas, he'd just be "Bubba, who's a little short on ammo."

[Dane Armory]

Little Johnny