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Nightmare jobs thought to be dream jobs


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I'm guessing most people here know better. This was written for a wider range of people.


These are all jobs that people (mostly men) talk fondly about and even dream about. You THINK that these are dream jobs but as you will see, closer inspection reveals that they are; in reality, a nightmare for most people.

Navy Seal. It seams every other 18 year old jock is obsessed with joining the seals and is somehow sure to succeed despite the fact that twice as many people make the NFL. But awesome for those who do. After all, if you make the SEALS, you get to play with cool technology, sky dive, play with all kinds of marine gadgets and be the ultimate baddass. While most of that is true, it is in largely the opposite way you think. For starters, if you like to sleep in, you’re SOL. Second if you've been skipping class for all your sports activities then you can just forget it. SEALS have to be both physically tough as nails and exceptionally smart and FOR A REASON. That’s right, being a SEAL includes allot of math, reading and careful planning. Oh, and all that technology you get to play with.. Play isn't the right word. Most of the time you’re just cruising around in a rubber raft; hoping no one pops your only life support. And that’s when you’re doing water missions. So, you basically you are constantly warn out, sleep deprived, having to constantly do boring math, reading and science on the run and living in constant fear that each day might be your last. But hay, you get to build that reputation as the ultimate warrior, right? How many REAL navy SEALs do you know by name? That’s right. No one will ever know your deeds and sacrifice. Perhaps it’s no surprise that the people who REALLY make the seals are not a bunch of typical high school jocks but REAL people with REAL convictions who have few; if any super man fantasies. If you REALLY want to see combat, join the French foreign legion, but make out your will before you go. One out of 10 don’t survive their 2 year service.

Elite Sniper. Real elite snipers get to sneak all over the battlefield and infiltrate enemy strongholds, popping off elite foreign special forces all day. But only when they’re playing Call of Duty. Real snipers have; in some ways the opposite job that most people imagine. For starters, sneaking around is NOT a process that usually only takes a few minutes. Try all day. Yes, sneaking around; some times in the scorching heat, sometimes in the freezing cold, sometimes in the poring rain at excruciatingly slow speeds, all the while being tormented by the nastiest plants and poisonous bugs you can think of, knowing that; if you so much as scratch an itch you’re going to get your brains blown out. Then comes all that fancy math and science the SEALs have to put up with. And if you’re not a psychopath, you’re going to find that stalking and killing another human being that may just be doing his job is much harder on your conscience then you imagine. 

Gynecologist for the stars. I can’t believe how many times I've heard this one. Apparently you people forget that a gynecologist is a doctor and doctor’s jobs are to fix body parts when they’re broken. So if you want your hand in Julia Robert’s vagina while it looks and smells like a dead, decomposing muscle clam then be my guest. That’s if you can even make it through med school. If you think a woman’s vagina is sexy face to face, wait till you see what it looks like under a microscope. 

Movie Star. Who doesn't want to be famous? Well, I for one will pass on that. Sure, you have all your fans who think you’re cool and you get to sign autographs all the time. But that get’s old fast. Then the REAL world of fame kicks in. You won’t be able to so much as walk in to a grocery store without everyone and their grandma harassing you, you will have people stalking you which means you’re going to have to hire body guards, further insuring you will never get a moment’s privacy. Oh, and the media that once praised you now broadcasts every little mistake you make, giving you a sometimes equal amount of fans and haters. It’s no surprise that Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Mel Gibson and Heath Ledger went the way they did.

Edited by MaDuce
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I studied architectural drafting and after a two-year fling in Alaska and a stint as a bouncer in a Clinton Tn strip club (I was also a school bus driver in Tn), I got married and got a job as an architectural draftsman. This was long before the days of CAD when drafting was done on a drawing board and was fun. Well, at least it was fun in school where every project was new and exciting.

In the real world they stuffed you into a little office where you did the same drawings over and over with slight variations and everything was due yesterday.

Not many people retired as draftsmen.

Edited by Microgunner
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Working on the steam catapults, you have two cylinders with a piston in each cylinder and connected by a bridge.  WIth those pistons moving at 150mph+, there was an elaborate water brake at the end of the cylinders in order to prevent metal-to-metal contact.


A steel box forms the water resevoir, holding about 2,000 gallons of water.  We had to perform maintanence and tolerance checks on the brakes.  This required going through a hatch, into the unlighted tank holding a flashlight, with the water warmed up by all the steam and half an inch of industrial lubricant floating on the surface.  You then passed through a bulkhead and climbed up into the brake assemblies, literally lying in the path of the pistons.


Prior to doing this check/maintanence, the procedure was to chain the shuttle/grab on the flightdeck to a padeye, rendering it immovable.  But there were stories…and while you were in the water brakes you could hear movement on deck at all times.  Sliding sound, shine light up cylinder…nothing.  Continue working, dragging sound…look, still nothing.


One of my NCOs was on the Nimitz doing that maintanence, when someone unchained the grab and started the pistons forward.  Dude rolled out just escaping getting squashed with a giant spear up his arse.  Shook for like 10 minutes, then went looking for blood.

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Installing cable TV in the westside of Chitown in the worst $hitholes of town in the winter.Planting a ladder in a frozen alley. When some guys went up someone would come along and point a pistol at them and demand they thrown down their wallet.Climbing up and hanging on the wire as the wind was screaming.Worse job in my life.

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I think FFL looking at that paragraph.


I was going to say "Hard to fight with your back to the enemy," but I'm told those FFL guys have a good reputation.


I've heard all kinds of rumors and jokes about the French being a bunch of weenies. But every first hand acount and personal experience I've had suggest that the French are no joke. For one, I've played video games with French citizens and many of them talk about their national leaders the same way we do and seam to have allot of the same "down to earth" values expressed on this message board. I can see some of them fitting right in here. And all the soldiers I've known who served along side the FFL describe them as a very efficient and ruthless force, both in what they put themselves and the enemy through. In fact, my understanding of them is that many other countries see them; in many ways the way we see the Russian Spetsnaz.


 Most of the "more credible" rumors I've heard about the FFL is them some times doing stupid stuff. But if you understand how they work, it makes a little more sense. FFL troops are foreigners and have no human rights while in the FFL. If they disobey an order, that can and probably will get shot dead on sight. So, they HAVE to do whatever they're told, no matter how stupid or suicidal it is.


Here's i\an interesting program on them. I don't know how much is true but it's pretty consistent with everything I've heard about them from soldiers and other credible sources.



Edited by MaDuce
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I have had the pleasure of having a legionaire as a friend."Frenchy" Yvon was a quite unasuming badass motherfucker.He fought in Africa finished his time and joined the Army went to Vietnam.He was the real deal.Father was officer in the Legion his brother were Legionaires and his sister was a nurse.It was truely a privilage and an honor to call him my bro.He left us at an early age of 55.R.I.P.   :happydrunks:  we will get together again.

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