imschur Posted February 20, 2013 Report Share Posted February 20, 2013 So today Im in the local Stop & Shop and the power goes out. It is completely dark, no emergency lights. So being on a high fiber low fat diet I often have a lot of gas and I mean A LOT OF GAS. Having been in the store which was sorta busy i was clenching for a good 15 minutes. I decided that with the lights out it would be an awesome time for some relief. So there I stood with a solid 10 seconds of wind as the generator kicked in and the emergency lights came on.I did the only thing I could. There were two other people in the isle. I shot the other guy in the isle a condescending glare and looked at the lady at the end of the isle as though I was disgusted with the other guy.Thankfully there were no attachments though it was close for a second or two Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted February 20, 2013 Report Share Posted February 20, 2013 Was on the carnival ride that you stand in and as it spins the bottom drops down and has you stuck to the wall.Ripped a jucy fart that had everyone caught in a vortex of poop. <lmao> <laughs> No one thought it was as funny as I did. :o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
98Z5V Posted February 20, 2013 Report Share Posted February 20, 2013 ...everyone caught in a vortex of poop. <laughs> <lmao> I'm cryin' over here... ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seasprite Posted February 20, 2013 Report Share Posted February 20, 2013 Rip a nice one in the supper market in the meat section :o I think something spoiled <lmao> <laughs> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texas30cal Posted February 20, 2013 Report Share Posted February 20, 2013 Doing driveby's in the grocery store is always fun, so is cropdusting on the way to your table in a busy restaurant, or even better an airplane! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seasprite Posted February 20, 2013 Report Share Posted February 20, 2013 Doing driveby's in the grocery store is always fun, so is cropdusting on the way to your table in a busy restaurant, or even better an airplane! <laughs> <lmao> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DNP Posted February 20, 2013 Report Share Posted February 20, 2013 My fathers favorite is elevators....just as you walk out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted February 20, 2013 Report Share Posted February 20, 2013 My Grandfather lost his leg in the same carwreck that mangled my Mom's legs.Back in the 1950s a good prosthetic leg was hardwood, with a pneumatic rubber seal that could be inflated to hold then deflated at removal. Deflation was like a whoopie cushion. He used to overfill it while sitting down, then release it next to a fat woman...giving them the "Imschur it was you" stare down. <laughs>My favorite is in the newer cars with power window lock-outs. Let it rip, crack someone's window, then lock the controls.Jon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HDWarlord Posted February 21, 2013 Report Share Posted February 21, 2013 There were two other people in the isle. I shot the other guy in the isle a condescending glare and looked at the lady at the end of the isle as though I was disgusted with the other guy. <laughs> <lmao> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoFail Posted February 21, 2013 Report Share Posted February 21, 2013 My greatest fart ever. A few decades ago (you know it had to be great if I still remember it, greatest farts become family stories) I had to sleep in my dad extra twin bed in his room, by that time Ma & Pa had separate rooms. Two story house dads room facing over driveway. About 6:00 am we sleeping, I 1/4 awoke because stomach had that feeling of pre-eminate action. I was on my stomach, my ass arched up & no later than that it commenced to release the most awesomest dislpay of linear gas expulsion from the human body in the history of mankind. This thing was loud, reverberating, lasted for SEVERAL seconds, woke my dad up and made the two ladies on their morning walk, whom my dad talked too sometimes, chuckle as they walked by in front while possessing perfect timing to witness the extraordinary incident, the window was open. If it was recorded you would not believe this fart. My dad was pissed!!! Ladies thought it was him AHAHAHHAHAHAHA!! <laughs> <lmao> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted February 21, 2013 Report Share Posted February 21, 2013 I am :o no one here has told the ol'lady "hey I can spite a hocker and catch it in my mouth" then its raaack and she ducks under the covers and frrraaappp.Dutch oven. <lmao> <laughs> Is it just me???? <dontknow> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rsquared Posted February 21, 2013 Report Share Posted February 21, 2013 Is it just me???? <dontknow>May be yet another reason why I'm not still married? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted February 21, 2013 Report Share Posted February 21, 2013 <lmao> <laughs> You are the man brother Ron <thumbsup> So that's 2??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shepp Posted February 23, 2013 Report Share Posted February 23, 2013 My Grandfather lost his leg in the same carwreck that mangled my Mom's legs.Back in the 1950s a good prosthetic leg was hardwood, with a pneumatic rubber seal that could be inflated to hold then deflated at removal. Deflation was like a whoopie cushion. He used to overfill it while sitting down, then release it next to a fat woman...giving them the "Imschur it was you" stare down. <laughs>My favorite is in the newer cars with power window lock-outs. Let it rip, crack someone's window, then lock the controls.JonMy grandfather lost his legs in a train yard accident, his legs used to "fart" all the time lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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