suzukiray Posted December 31, 2015 Report Share Posted December 31, 2015 Sorry for not calling you on New Year's, but I just got out of jail. I was locked up for punching the poop out of this idiot at a party. In my defense, when you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your instincts kick in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 All the guys I know who bought thier o'ladys a set of tits,she left them shortly there after for another guy.Truth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slugger43 Posted January 2, 2016 Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 The Aisle SeatTerrorists boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat.After takeoff the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said 'I need to get up and get a coke.'‘Don't get up,' said the Marine 'I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you.'As soon as he left one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it.When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good.I'd really like one too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it.When the Marine returned they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.As the plane was landing the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors, 'Why does it have to be this way?''How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity?This spitting in shoes and....pissing in cokes?'THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted January 2, 2016 Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 LMFAO.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armed Eye Doc Posted January 2, 2016 Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 Neat Math trick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armed Eye Doc Posted January 2, 2016 Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 Neat Math trickThis one will get you... I love math tricks and this one really works and will only take you about ten seconds!!! Amazing it really works to reveal my all-time favorite movie. I'm pretty good at math, so I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities. Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite movie EVER! DO NOT cheat. DO YOUR math, THEN compare the results to the list of movies at the bottom You will be AMAZED at how scary true and accurate this test is 1. Pick a number from 1-9.2. Multiply that number by 3.3. Add 3.4. Multiply by 3 again.5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below:Movie List: 1. Gone With the Wind2. E.T.3. Blazing Saddles4. Star Wars5. Forrest Gump6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly7. Jaws8. Grease9. The Obama Farewell Speech10. Casablanca11. Jurassic Park12. Shrek13. Pirates of the Caribbean14. Titanic15. Raiders of the Lost Ark16. Home Alone17. Mrs. Doubtfire Now, isn't that somethingLet's put the rest of it in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted January 2, 2016 Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 Let's put the rest of it in there.Had my wife and daughter do it.My daughter commented "Because nobody likes Obama anymore." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted January 3, 2016 Report Share Posted January 3, 2016 A cab driver picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.She asks him why he is staring. He replies: ‘I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.’She answers, ‘ My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.’‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.’She responds, ‘Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.’The cab driver is very excited and says, ‘Yes, I’m single and Catholic!’‘OK’ the nun says. ‘Pull into the next alley.’The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.‘My dear child,’ said the nun, ‘Why are you crying?’‘Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.’The nun says, ‘That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a costume party.’ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted January 3, 2016 Report Share Posted January 3, 2016 That one even busted up the wife...BWAAHAHAHAHAHA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted January 4, 2016 Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 This was good for a chuckle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted January 17, 2016 Report Share Posted January 17, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted January 20, 2016 Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted January 20, 2016 Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 (edited) ...And then there is this one....A man with a huge grin approaches a priest.“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” he says. “I’ve spent the week with seven beautiful women.”“Do not fret, my son,” says the priest. “All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into aglass and drink the juice.”“Will that cleanse me of my sin?”“No, but it will wipe that stupid smile off your face.” If you don't like that one how about this one? Edited January 20, 2016 by mrmackc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EasyEJL Posted January 21, 2016 Report Share Posted January 21, 2016 I went to a family reunion a while back. I saw a cousin I had not seen in years. He said he had some moonshine out back and would I like to try some. Hell yes I would! So we went out back behind the old barn and got soundly shitfaced. After a while he looks at me and asked if I had ever had sex with a pig. I said not just no, but hell no! He said it was the greatest thing in the world and I shouldn't knock it until I tried it. After awhile I said that I guess I would try it. We go around to the pig pen and he grabs up a pig and starts going to town on it. He says grab you up one, its great! So I catch one but I just can't seem to get aroused. My cousin looks over at me and says "whats wrong"? I say I just cant get aroused about doing a pig. He looks at my pig and says, "NO WONDER, YOU PICKED THE UGLIEST PIG IN HERE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted January 23, 2016 Report Share Posted January 23, 2016 "NO WONDER, YOU PICKED THE UGLIEST PIG IN HERE!Been there done that..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
washguy Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 (edited) has this one been on here? Wash A young Arab boy asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"> > The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun."> > "And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.> > "It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.> > The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?> > His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet from hot sand in the desert."> > "So tell me then," added the boy.> > "Yes, my son?"> > "Why are you living in Dearborn, Michigan, and still wearing all this $hit?>>> Edited February 1, 2016 by washguy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Bahahaha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted February 2, 2016 Report Share Posted February 2, 2016 Thats alot of shits to wear! I feel comfy in my (religous) pants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted February 5, 2016 Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home... Sergeant at Police Station: What is her height? Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall... I think.Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant: Color of eyes? Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.Sergeant: Color of hair? Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember. Sergeant: What was she wearing? Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly. Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in? Husband: She went in my truck. Sergeant: Truck? What kind of truck was it? Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine specialordered with manual transmission and climate controlled airconditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, whichhas a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and"Bubba" floor mats. Trail-ring package with gold hitch and specialwiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver,23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four poweroutlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It hascustom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting with puddle lites on the doors,high-compression heads and overdrive. At this point the husband started choking up. . .. Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck............................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt.Cross Posted February 5, 2016 Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 LOL..... Sounds like something that would've happened to Tom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted February 5, 2016 Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 LOL..... Sounds like something that would've happened to Tom!Won't ever happen to me, I don't drive a F150. I drive a 2015 Chevrolet Tahoe LS w/ 5.3 liter 6 speed TH tranny, Godyear tires, trailoring package, Onstar, cruise, collusion avoidance, rear view camera heated six way seats adjustable peddles remote start,etc., etc.,............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dane Armory Posted February 5, 2016 Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 Ford vs. CHEVY POSING Contest... here is the battleground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted February 5, 2016 Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 Ford vs. CHEVY POSING Contest... here is the battleground.Baahahahahahaha!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dane Armory Posted February 6, 2016 Report Share Posted February 6, 2016 Ford vs. CHEVY PISSING Contest... here is the battleground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted February 6, 2016 Report Share Posted February 6, 2016 Ford vs. CHEVY POSING Contest... here is the battleground.I wasn't intending to talk trash about Ford trucks, I like them have driven many miles in F150, F250 and even F350 fords, I just don't drive one now. I do prefer the Tahoe over the Explorer for several reasons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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