unforgiven Posted October 1, 2016 Report Share Posted October 1, 2016 Careful what you wish for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubbas4570 Posted October 3, 2016 Report Share Posted October 3, 2016 That'll learn 'em! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
george_995 Posted October 22, 2016 Report Share Posted October 22, 2016 Grandma goes to the dentist. They take her back into the examination room, where she proceeds to sit down, hike up her skirt and lift her legs in the air. The dentist, shocked, says "I'm sorry, ma'am, I'm a dentist, not a gynecologist". Grandma says "I know, I need you to get my husband's teeth". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikedaddyH Posted October 28, 2016 Report Share Posted October 28, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikedaddyH Posted October 28, 2016 Report Share Posted October 28, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted November 26, 2016 Report Share Posted November 26, 2016 Husband and Wife Christmas Shopping A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile. The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do." He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?" Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up… "Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied. "Well I am in the gun shop next door to that." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted November 26, 2016 Report Share Posted November 26, 2016 That will be a long ride home..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted November 26, 2016 Report Share Posted November 26, 2016 ....If he even made it out to the car! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunuckgaucho Posted December 2, 2016 Report Share Posted December 2, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted December 4, 2016 Report Share Posted December 4, 2016 ^^^^ Good one bro. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted December 14, 2016 Report Share Posted December 14, 2016 “ONE IS NEVER TO OLD TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW!” Manure... An interesting fact. Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything for export had to be transported by ship. It was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this "volatile" cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T. ' , (Stow High In Transit) ,…………. So it’s really not a “swear word” which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I. I always thought it was a golfing term. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
washguy Posted December 15, 2016 Report Share Posted December 15, 2016 The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient. My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me. My 65-year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then. I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?” Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks! The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to buy me something. On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese. I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.” I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos. What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their noses? Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch! The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk. Wash Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted December 15, 2016 Report Share Posted December 15, 2016 Good ones Wash! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubbas4570 Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 Wash, we need more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armed Eye Doc Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The onlything that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all thecolleges and even the Canadianand European leagues, but hecouldn't find asuper athlete who could ensure a Super Bowl win.Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank .In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with atruly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th storywindow 100 yards away.KABOOM!He threw another hand grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.KA-BLOOEY!Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.BULLS-EYE!"I've got to get this guy!" the coach said to himself. "He has the perfectarm!"So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football.And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coachasks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother."Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl !""I don't want to talk to you", the old woman says."You are not my son!""I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won thegreatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoringfans.""No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there aregunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your twobrothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have tokeep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old ladypauses, and then tearfully says,.........."I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 Oh, that is another good one from you Doc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armed Eye Doc Posted December 17, 2016 Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 Interesting history of the CondomI've always been a student of history but didn't know this:In 1272, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted December 18, 2016 Report Share Posted December 18, 2016 Hahahaha ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mineralman55 Posted December 18, 2016 Report Share Posted December 18, 2016 Forgive me Lord, for reading that, and laughing so loudly on a Sunday morning. Hahahahahaha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted December 18, 2016 Report Share Posted December 18, 2016 3 hours ago, mineralman55 said: Forgive me Lord, for reading that, and laughing so loudly on a Sunday morning. Hahahahahaha! Thank goodness I read it Saturday night! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunuckgaucho Posted December 18, 2016 Report Share Posted December 18, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunuckgaucho Posted December 18, 2016 Report Share Posted December 18, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted December 18, 2016 Report Share Posted December 18, 2016 I didn't see that one comin Doc..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armed Eye Doc Posted December 19, 2016 Report Share Posted December 19, 2016 A man went to the dentist to get two teeth pulled. He got called into the exam room and took a seat. "Well, are you ready?" Asked the dentist "Yes sir" replied the man "Alright, I'm going to give you a shot in your cheek to numb your mouth" said the dentist. "A shot? Hell no you're not!" The man replied. "Well, I can give you an IV to knock you out if you like." Replied the deist "Nope, that's still involves a needle and I don't do needles! You better figure something else out." The man replied So the dentist sat down for a minute and pondered on what he should do till he finally got an idea. So he went to his locker, opened a pill bottle and put two in his hand. He walked back two the exam room and gave the man the pills and a glass of water. "What is this?" Asked the man. "Viagra." Replied the dentist. "Why the hell do I need these??" He asked The dentist replied "Well, if you won't let me numb you or knock you out, you're going to need something to hold on to ." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
washguy Posted December 19, 2016 Report Share Posted December 19, 2016 Try this one on for size Wash For those of you who think you may have Alzheimers... The School of Psychology, University of Pennsylvania conducted a survey called “What really do you see?” People were asked to focus their attention on this simple picture and then asked if they had noticed anything odd. Now you also have a chance to test your skills and see if you can pass………Study the picture for 5 seconds. What did you notice? Here are the Results of the Survey: 1. 100% of males failed this test. They were distracted by the woman’s large bosom. 2. 100% of the females also failed this test. They were distracted by the wide choice of doughnuts. The real answer (see below): . . . . . There’s a mouse on one of the doughnuts……..now don’t tell me you saw it. I won’t believe you. Alzheimer’s, you ask? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.