Rsquared Posted February 7, 2016 Report Share Posted February 7, 2016 Now THAT's Fuckin Hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
washguy Posted February 11, 2016 Report Share Posted February 11, 2016 No matter how many times I watch...its still funny...or sad ? lol Wash Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slugger43 Posted February 11, 2016 Report Share Posted February 11, 2016 Should be used as a guide for "thinning the herd". Or maybe "improving the gene pool". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shepp Posted February 12, 2016 Report Share Posted February 12, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted February 12, 2016 Report Share Posted February 12, 2016 This really isn't a joke for "Joke of the day" but it is more likely what I would call "The logical man's saying of the day"I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she then would have asked 'about what?'At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.Finally I pondered an age old question:Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they "know"?Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really "know", here is the reason for my conclusion.A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap in that hammock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted February 12, 2016 Report Share Posted February 12, 2016 <glass raised> Heres to no more nut kicking! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikedaddyH Posted February 12, 2016 Report Share Posted February 12, 2016 <glass raised> Heres to no more nut kicking! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armed Eye Doc Posted February 13, 2016 Report Share Posted February 13, 2016 RANDY...A farmer has 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell.The other farmer says, “Yeah, I’ve got this great rooster, named Randy. He’ll service every chicken you got, no problem.”Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he’d be worth it. So, he buys Randy.The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard first giving the rooster a pep talk, “Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I’ll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun,” the farmer said, with a chuckle.Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Randy took off like a shot. -WHAM!- Randy nails every hen in the hen house – three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Randy is in there.Later, the farmer sees Randy after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again – WHAM! He gets all the geese!By sunset he sees Randy out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.The farmer is distraught – worried that his expensive rooster won’t even last 24 hours.Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Randy dead as a doorknob – stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful – and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, “Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself.”Randy opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, “Shhh, they’re getting closer “ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted February 13, 2016 Report Share Posted February 13, 2016 Hahaha great one Doc,love it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted February 13, 2016 Report Share Posted February 13, 2016 Thats worth a good laugh! Thanks doc! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted February 14, 2016 Report Share Posted February 14, 2016 Yep Eye Doc said a funny, again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikedaddyH Posted February 15, 2016 Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 I found Randy ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted February 21, 2016 Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 That's how I feel at the end of the week.Guess it's not just me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armed Eye Doc Posted March 4, 2016 Report Share Posted March 4, 2016 Woman goes to her doc for advise..She said she and her husband have a penchant for anal sex..Doc asks if she likes it..As a matter I do she says...Doc says then enjoy it but be careful about getting pregnant..Gal says "you can get pregantfrom anal sex?" ..Doc replies " Where do you think democrats come from?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted March 4, 2016 Report Share Posted March 4, 2016 Haha the secrets out now !! Good one doc! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted March 6, 2016 Report Share Posted March 6, 2016 Hahaha killin it Doc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzukiray Posted March 10, 2016 Report Share Posted March 10, 2016 If you ever have a buddy giving you chit & you want to shut them up, ask them "What sexual position makes the ugliest babies?" When they ask "What position?" Tell them to go ask their Mom!!!Ray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubbas4570 Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 If you ever have a buddy giving you chit & you want to shut them up, ask them "What sexual position makes the ugliest babies?" When they ask "What position?" Tell them to go ask their Mom!!!Ray.Mwahahahhahahhha........I am going to use that one at work. Alot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubbas4570 Posted March 11, 2016 Report Share Posted March 11, 2016 Woman goes to her doc for advise..She said she and her husband have a penchant for anal sex..Doc asks if she likes it..As a matter I do she says...Doc says then enjoy it but be careful about getting pregnant..Gal says "you can get pregantfrom anal sex?" ..Doc replies " Where do you think democrats come from?"And this one was read out loud to a couple of friends that I know lean to the left.....they didn't have anything to say!!! :)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shepp Posted March 19, 2016 Report Share Posted March 19, 2016 Not really a joke but I thought it was funny i was walking into ace hardwear this morning and there were some Girl Scouts selling cookies they say " would you like to buy some cookies" I replied "no thank you" they reply we're donating part of our sales to the military" and one girl says "and the Air Force" it gave me a good chuckle, cuz you see all those memes from different branches poking fun at each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
survivalshop Posted March 20, 2016 Report Share Posted March 20, 2016 Who's this Randy ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slugger43 Posted March 20, 2016 Report Share Posted March 20, 2016 19 minutes ago, survivalshop said: Who's this Randy ? My mom used to look like that when she was pissed at me.......except her eyebrows were a little heavier......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikedaddyH Posted March 20, 2016 Report Share Posted March 20, 2016 2 hours ago, survivalshop said: Who's this Randy ? Is this the "Tall chick that always agrees with you." From the joke a couple pages back ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armed Eye Doc Posted March 29, 2016 Report Share Posted March 29, 2016 Saint Peter is seeing all of the new arrivals trying to go thru the pearly gates into heaven. The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our ninth floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died." Saint Peter thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room. The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a ninth floor apartment, but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest." Saint Peter couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room. He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you." "I don't know," replies the man. "Picture this, I'm buck naked, hiding in this cedar chest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EngrBob Posted April 1, 2016 Report Share Posted April 1, 2016 Joe was having trouble in school; his teacher was always yelling at him, "You're driving me crazy,Joe; can't you learn anything?" One day Joe's mother came to school to see how he was doing. The teacher told her honestly that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never had such an unmotivated and ignorant boy in her entire teaching career. Joe’s mom, shocked at the feedback, withdrew her son from school and moved out of Cincinnati, relocating to Cleveland. Twenty Five years later, the teacher was diagnosed with irreversible cardiac disease. Her doctors all strongly advised her to have open heart surgery,which only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was remarkably successful. When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw the doctor who headed her surgical team smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something, but quickly died. The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly. When the doctor turned around to leave the room, he saw Joe, now a janitor at the Clinic, had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to plug in his vacuum cleaner. If you thought that Joe had become a heart-surgeon, there is a high likelihood that you will vote for the HAG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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