washguy Posted December 12, 2017 Report Share Posted December 12, 2017 BURGLARY IN FLORIDA (You just can't make this stuff up!!) When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch. What they did take, however, was a white box filled with a grayish-white powder.. (That's the way the police report described it.) A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said that it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time. Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: 'Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago.' The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The white box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained. Scotch taped to the box was this note which said: "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day."And you thought California was the land of fruits and nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C Funnk Posted December 12, 2017 Report Share Posted December 12, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted December 12, 2017 Report Share Posted December 12, 2017 Wash! lol!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
survivalshop Posted December 12, 2017 Report Share Posted December 12, 2017 10 hours ago, washguy said: BURGLARY IN FLORIDA (You just can't make this stuff up!!) When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch. What they did take, however, was a white box filled with a grayish-white powder.. (That's the way the police report described it.) A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said that it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time. Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: 'Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago.' The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The white box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained. Scotch taped to the box was this note which said: "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day."And you thought California was the land of fruits and nuts. And where did you read this , because I live here & never heard of this incident , though i dont put anything past anyone , sounds like fake news . Here is what may be the real story & its slightly different .http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/thieves-snort-cremated-human-animal-remains-believing-ashes-cocaine-article-1.149915 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C Funnk Posted December 12, 2017 Report Share Posted December 12, 2017 2 hours ago, survivalshop said: And where did you read this , because I live here & never heard of this incident , though i dont put anything past anyone , sounds like fake news . Here is what may be the real story & its slightly different .http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/thieves-snort-cremated-human-animal-remains-believing-ashes-cocaine-article-1.149915 But isn't fake news real news now days! Look at our media outlets!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
washguy Posted December 16, 2017 Report Share Posted December 16, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
98Z5V Posted December 16, 2017 Report Share Posted December 16, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
survivalshop Posted December 17, 2017 Report Share Posted December 17, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzukiray Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 What sexual position makes the ugliest babies??? Ask your Mom!!!!! Happy New Year phuckers!!!! Ray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 HAHAHA! ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jtallen83 Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C Funnk Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) Since it's tha NCAA championship game tonight! Go 'Bama Edited January 9, 2018 by C Funnk Wrong pic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 Bonus $ still available. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sisco Posted January 19, 2018 Report Share Posted January 19, 2018 Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.' The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two from Minnesota , the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking beer. The devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves?' Sven replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve don't git too much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather's dis nice.' The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men. The devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?' They both look at the devil in surprise and say, 'Vell, don't ya know, if hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted January 19, 2018 Report Share Posted January 19, 2018 ha!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
survivalshop Posted January 19, 2018 Report Share Posted January 19, 2018 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzukiray Posted January 21, 2018 Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 Don't let this distract you from the fact back in 1978 I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’ So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty. ‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. ‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments. She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked. I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her. She fainted.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted January 21, 2018 Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 haha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C Funnk Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 Good one!I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 Hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzukiray Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzukiray Posted January 23, 2018 Report Share Posted January 23, 2018 MILITARY JOKE: A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed... A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzukiray Posted February 6, 2018 Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 Colonoscopy Being nervous, and embarrassed about my upcoming colonoscopy on a recommendation I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly more gentle and accommodating. As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure. "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," the nurse told me. "I haven't got an erection," I replied. "No, but I have," replied the nurse. Don't get a colonoscopy in San Francisco! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzukiray Posted February 13, 2018 Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 Tootie Green A guy goes into the confessional on Saturday afternoon and says to the priest, Father, he confessed, it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Tootie Green twice last month. The priest told the sinner, You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys. Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Tootie Green twice a week for the past two months. This time, the priest questioned, Who is this Tootie Green? A new woman in the neighborhood, the sinner replied. Very well, sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Marys. At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching shiny emerald-green shoes. The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear. The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, Is that Tootie Green? The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, No Father, I think its just a reflection from her shoes... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpete Posted February 13, 2018 Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 (edited) On 2/6/2018 at 5:27 PM, suzukiray said: Colonoscopy Being nervous, and embarrassed about my upcoming colonoscopy on a recommendation I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly more gentle and accommodating. As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure. "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," the nurse told me. "I haven't got an erection," I replied. "No, but I have," replied the nurse. Don't get a colonoscopy in San Francisco! Or in Scotland! Mature content Edited February 13, 2018 by dpete added material Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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