Joke of the day

[mrmackc]

4 hours ago, Matt.Cross said:

Well, Jim Bob was behind Leroy when the preacher stuck his finger in Leroy's ear. When the preacher finished his prayer, Jim had vanished. Looking puzzled, the preacher asked Jim Bob's wife what was ailing him, to which she replied "Hemorrhoids."

Matt that is a sequel to "The healing preacher in Detroit" I hadn't heard before.... good one!!

[survivalshop]

[unforgiven]

Hahaha

[MikeD]

ex Navy airdale, but that's funny

[Armed Eye Doc]

My Last Round of Golf

While golfing, I took a quick turn to avoid hitting a chuck hole, and accidentally overturned my golf cart near the base of a tree on the fringe of the cart path, and severely banged my head.

A very beautiful, attractive, golfer, who lived on the edge of the golf course, heard the noise, and ran out of her villa and shouted, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing only a silky see through bath robe which was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a VERY VERY nice figure.

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself out from under the twisted cart.

She said, " Follow me to my villa so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head, then you can rest a while, and I'll help you upright the cart later."

"That's nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!

"Oh, come now, I am a nurse" she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty, and very persuasive and being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We walked to her place just 100 yards away, and after a couple of Scotch and waters and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset, so I'd better go now."

Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall even more open. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything, and by the way, where is she?"

I replied, "Still under the cart, I guess."

[C Funnk]

Even my wife thought that was hilarious!

[AMERIKINSHIP]

My gal got a kick out of it too!

[sketch]

lol doc ??

[unforgiven]

Hahahaha

[392heminut]

Mayra laughed at this one too Doc!

[survivalshop]

Engineers Go To Heaven

 

An Engineer dies... and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators.

 

The engineer is a pretty popular guy.

 

One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?"

 

Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." 

 

God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! " 

 

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him." 

 

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." 

 

"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"

 

 

[Armed Eye Doc]

Lol

[unforgiven]

Hahaha...I have set AC equipment in hell...it was a little warm.

[sketch]

hahaha thats funny shits!

[Rsquared]

SS knocked it outta the park on that one.

[survivalshop]

[sketch]

hahaha!?

[unforgiven]

My o'lady sounds like the shuttle taking off.

[DNP]

Silent maybe...butt something smells of death in here. 

[Sisco]

[98Z5V]

HAHA!!!  

[unforgiven]

  nice doggie.....

[shepp]

[shepp]

On 11/26/2017 at 8:02 PM, Sisco said:

Reminds my of this, but this is real ?

 

[rcnut]

You all know why Santa Claus is always happy and jolly?????????????????????   because Mrs. Claus likes to slide up and down on his chimney while she lets him play with her HO HO's.