mrmackc Posted December 19, 2018 Report Posted December 19, 2018 On 11/5/2018 at 9:04 PM, 98Z5V said: That's not a joke!!! That happened to ME!!!..... Oh Dear God! Reminds me of my old buddy Lance Cpl. LeRoy Jackson, his story was what I thought was gorse, I won't even tell the details, since I am a Born Again Christian, but Leroy caught a bad case of gonorrhea of the big toe once on a trip to T Town.
Boot_Scraper Posted January 4, 2019 Report Posted January 4, 2019 Did you know that oranges are actually male or female? If it squirts in your eye without warning, it's a male. And if it's bitter for no fucking reason, it's female.
Sisco Posted January 4, 2019 Report Posted January 4, 2019 On 12/18/2018 at 11:15 PM, mrmackc said: Oh Dear God! Reminds me of my old buddy Lance Cpl. LeRoy Jackson, his story was what I thought was gorse, I won't even tell the details, since I am a Born Again Christian, but Leroy caught a bad case of gonorrhea of the big toe once on a trip to T Town. Yeah, and she had Athelete’s C_nt. Heard it a long time ago.
sketch Posted February 10, 2019 Report Posted February 10, 2019 The vet- gotta pull the humming bird feeders they are freezing and the birds are pissed. me- add some brandy and warm them up. vet- yeah thats all we need is some drunk hummers ! me- bwahaaaa!
Boot_Scraper Posted February 17, 2019 Report Posted February 17, 2019 Why did Michael Jackson invent the Moonwalk? It was a great way to get out of kids' bedrooms unheard.
suzukiray Posted February 17, 2019 Report Posted February 17, 2019 4 hours ago, Boot_Scraper said: Why did Michael Jackson invent the Moonwalk? It was a great way to get out of kids' bedrooms unheard. What did the lady at the beach say to Michael Jackson? Get out of my son!
Ravenworks Posted February 17, 2019 Report Posted February 17, 2019 40 minutes ago, suzukiray said: What did the lady at the beach say to Michael Jackson? Get out of my son! Ouch
unforgiven Posted February 17, 2019 Report Posted February 17, 2019 3 hours ago, suzukiray said: What did the lady at the beach say to Michael Jackson? Get out of my son! How did the races go brother Ray?
suzukiray Posted February 17, 2019 Report Posted February 17, 2019 Pomona rained out Sunday and raced on Monday. It was AWESOME!!! Good air and no rain on Monday! Some great racingl!!! They will be in Phoenix next weekend.
mineralman55 Posted February 23, 2019 Report Posted February 23, 2019 When you're over seventy, who cares? I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?" I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?" She said, "Yeah, I got a pen". I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you." Cost me 6 stitches...but, When you’re over seventy..............who cares? ********** I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please." Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”; I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....." When you’re over seventy..............who cares? *********** I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”; I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”; Cost me a fat lip, but... When you’re over seventy..............who cares? ********** I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts. "Really" she said, "Go on then... try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said, "Yesterday." Cost me a kick in the nuts, but... When you’re over seventy...............who cares? ********* I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in. When you’re over seventy...............who cares? ********** I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs." The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?" I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now." Cost me 6 more stitches, but.. When you’re over seventy..............who cares?
98Z5V Posted February 23, 2019 Report Posted February 23, 2019 I LOVE IT!!! Do you have to be over 70 to use that stuff - because I'm ready NOW!...
mineralman55 Posted February 23, 2019 Report Posted February 23, 2019 5 hours ago, 98Z5V said: I LOVE IT!!! Do you have to be over 70 to use that stuff - because I'm ready NOW!... Any age will work. Just report how many stitches you acquire. Could be an age related thing.
Armed Eye Doc Posted February 27, 2019 Report Posted February 27, 2019 A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing.” The social worker behind the counter said “Your timing is excellent we just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes –Benz GT, and he will supply all of your clothes.” “Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.” The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshitting me!” The social worker said, “Yeah, well, you started it!
mrmackc Posted February 28, 2019 Report Posted February 28, 2019 On 2/22/2019 at 7:14 PM, mineralman55 said: When you're over seventy, who cares? I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?" I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?" She said, "Yeah, I got a pen". I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you." Cost me 6 stitches...but, When you’re over seventy..............who cares? ********** I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please." Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”; I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....." When you’re over seventy..............who cares? *********** I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”; I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”; Cost me a fat lip, but... When you’re over seventy..............who cares? ********** I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts. "Really" she said, "Go on then... try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said, "Yesterday." Cost me a kick in the nuts, but... When you’re over seventy...............who cares? ********* I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in. When you’re over seventy...............who cares? ********** I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs." The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?" I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now." Cost me 6 more stitches, but.. When you’re over seventy..............who cares? Damn, I can resemble to that stuff!
Cunuckgaucho Posted March 2, 2019 Report Posted March 2, 2019 Tom was a single guy living with his father, and working in the family business. He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died. Tom wanted two things: • To learn how to invest his inheritance. • To find a wife to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman obtained his business card. Two weeks later, she became his stepmother.
Sisco Posted March 2, 2019 Report Posted March 2, 2019 56 minutes ago, Cunuckgaucho said: Tom was a single guy living with his father, and working in the family business. He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died. Tom wanted two things: • To learn how to invest his inheritance. • To find a wife to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman obtained his business card. Two weeks later, she became his stepmother. Some truth there.
JF89 Posted March 13, 2019 Report Posted March 13, 2019 A Catholic couple is about to get married, and the woman sits the man down for a heart-to-heart the day before the wedding. She says, "Honey, before we do this, I have something I need to get off my chest. You see, a few years back, my family was very poor, and for a while I had to work as a prostitute." The man leaps out of his chair and shouts, "Oh no, absolutely not! I can't get married to you!" The woman starts crying, and begs him to forgive her, "Please don't leave me - surely you can live with a woman who used to be a bit of a whore..." The man sits down and says, "Oh, that's fine. For a minute I thought you said Protestant."
JF89 Posted March 13, 2019 Report Posted March 13, 2019 Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day. The First hobo says "Today i found $20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!". to which the second hobo replies: "oh yeah, my day was way better! I was at the train yard, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all day" "Did you get a blow job?" "Naw, I couldnt find her head"
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