Joke of the day

suzukiray · May 6, 2019

unforgiven · May 6, 2019

Good one brother 👍

suzukiray · May 14, 2019

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”. ‘About 32,’ is the reply.’ ‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’ Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question. The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’ Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’ While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’ They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’ He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’ He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’ Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’ ‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.

Belt Fed · May 14, 2019

LMAO, some good ones guys. goin back to the cross eyed chick. don't ya hate talkin to one like that. ya never know which eye to look at or which one is lookin at you.

Belt Fed · May 14, 2019

A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
“Now,” he said,” what do you learn from this?”
An eager student gave his answer.
“Well the answer is obvious,” he said ” if you drink alcohol, you’ll never have worms.”

Belt Fed · May 14, 2019

After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry. “Is that your husband?” he inquired nervously. “No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him. “Your boyfriend then?” he asked. “No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear. “Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, she answered, “That’s me before the surgery.”

Belt Fed · May 14, 2019

The wise old Mother Superior from an Irish convent was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. She requested some warm milk and one of the nuns went to the kitchen to fetch it. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

When she walked back at Mother Superior’s bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

“Mother,” the nuns asked with earnest, “please give us some wisdom before you die.”

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, “Don’t sell that cow.”

unforgiven · May 14, 2019

Hahaha good one

392heminut · May 17, 2019

Can't beat a good Irish whiskey! :lmao:

suzukiray · May 19, 2019

Belt Fed · May 20, 2019

The reviews are hilarious.

https://www.amazon.com/product-reviews/B00DE4GWWY

Belt Fed · May 20, 2019

I'm cryin, the one where he says they make his ass sound like Chewbacca is killin me.

unforgiven · May 20, 2019

LMAO

dpete · May 20, 2019

6 hours ago, Belt Fed said:

The reviews are hilarious.

https://www.amazon.com/product-reviews/B00DE4GWWY

My wife and I were both laughing so hard we were almost crying! I could hardly read.

sketch · May 21, 2019

ohhh yes I already set the trap these are coming to a contestant soon!..

DNP · May 22, 2019

Is angel still around? I’m still afraid the canned chicken killed him. He’d eat a 5lb bag of this stuff - that guy was not skeered.

Belt Fed · May 22, 2019

18 minutes ago, DNP said:

Is angel still around? I’m still afraid the canned chicken killed him. He’d eat a 5lb bag of this stuff - that guy was not skeered.

LOL, I seen one of those one time, guy opened it up and a whole chicken was crammed in that thing. it plopped out of the can with sticky lookin crap all over it dripping, nastiest sight ever to behold. not sure watching an afterbirth would be any worse

Sisco · May 22, 2019

Saw those a few years ago 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sisco · May 22, 2019

11 minutes ago, Belt Fed said:

LOL, I seen one of those one time, guy opened it up and a whole chicken was crammed in that thing. it plopped out of the can with sticky lookin crap all over it dripping, nastiest sight ever to behold. not sure watching an afterbirth would be any worse

You asked for it.

https://forum.308ar.com/topic/15578-new-contest-eat-the-canned-chicken/page/6/#

Armed Eye Doc · May 22, 2019

13 minutes ago, Belt Fed said:

LOL, I seen one of those one time, guy opened it up and a whole chicken was crammed in that thing. it plopped out of the can with sticky lookin crap all over it dripping, nastiest sight ever to behold. not sure watching an afterbirth would be any worse

We saw it and donated prizes for the first one to down one. He promptly left. At least that is what I choose to believe.