planeflyer21 Posted April 20, 2016 Report Share Posted April 20, 2016 I thought they were using Nixon's after modification: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikedaddyH Posted April 20, 2016 Report Share Posted April 20, 2016 4 hours ago, DNP said: Gonna take a few days to get the limo back in order as well... You know Trump's got to have Gold Dayton's on his Limo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DNP Posted April 20, 2016 Report Share Posted April 20, 2016 Nope, he sold that to finance the future first lady's coke habit for a weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue109 Posted April 20, 2016 Report Share Posted April 20, 2016 Nobody said trophy wives were cheap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted April 20, 2016 Report Share Posted April 20, 2016 I figure this could happen around here! Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick’s Day. At one point, Mick the bartender says, ‘You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy’. Paddy replies, ‘OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then’. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. ‘Damn,’ he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again. ‘Damn, damn!’ He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face. ‘By Jeebers… I’m a little crocked,’ he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says, ‘No damn’ way’. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says ‘I can make it to the bed!’ He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says ‘Damn it!’ and falls into bed. The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, ‘Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?’ Paddy says, ‘No Jess, what makes you say that?’ ‘Mick phoned… you left your wheelchair at the pub. — Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted April 20, 2016 Report Share Posted April 20, 2016 Hahaha goodone ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted April 20, 2016 Report Share Posted April 20, 2016 Didn't see that one comin BWAHAHAHAH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzukiray Posted April 20, 2016 Report Share Posted April 20, 2016 A priest is checking into a hotel. He says to the desk clerk "I hope your porn is disabled!" The clerk replies "No, we have regular porn you SICK PEVERT!!!" Ray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikedaddyH Posted April 20, 2016 Report Share Posted April 20, 2016 17 hours ago, DNP said: Nope, he sold that to finance the future first lady's coke habit for a weekend. Hey that's Don Jr old car ! Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Austin552 Posted April 28, 2016 Report Share Posted April 28, 2016 Jumped or Pushed on January 9th, a group of Wadesboro, North Carolina bikers were riding east on Hwy.74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So ...they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railing'?" She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!" While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?" So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . . and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one. After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl." It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted April 29, 2016 Report Share Posted April 29, 2016 Haha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted April 30, 2016 Report Share Posted April 30, 2016 Tooooo funny.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzukiray Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket. Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog. A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that snake, with two more frogs. Ray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sisco Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 NEWS FLASH:Pfizer & Pepsi to MergeThis will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future…!The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 ......Tolerance..... Ahh, tolerance! It's a two-way street!Something we could learn from our brothers to the north in Canada! Jiggs McDonald, NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster speaking in Ontario, says: "I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto. I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance." "That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy," and the other, a topless bar, would be called "You Mecca Me Hot." "Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called "Iraq of Ribs." "Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret," with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods, and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered." "All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us." Yes, we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on. And if you are not laughing or smiling at this point, it’s either past your bedtime, or it’s midnight at the oasis and time to put your camel out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 Haha!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EasyEJL Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children in her class what their mothers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. ... However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, So when the teacher gently prodded him about his mother, He replied, "Well my mother's an exotic dancer in a club and takes off all her clothes in front of men, and they put money in her underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money." The teacher, obviously shaken by this bold statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Johnny aside to quietly ask him, "Is that really true about your mother, dear?" Nope," the boy said, "She works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that In front of the other kids." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzukiray Posted May 12, 2016 Report Share Posted May 12, 2016 The Richland Police report finding a man's body in the Columbia River, near the confluence of the Yakima River, at Columbia park. The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive marijuana consumption. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and a ‘Hillary for President' T-shirt. He also had a cucumber in his rectum. The police removed the Hillary T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment. In spite of what we sometimes think, the Police do care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzukiray Posted May 12, 2016 Report Share Posted May 12, 2016 Siamese twins walk into a bar in Toronto and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; as you can see, we're joined side by side at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian draft beers, please." The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on vacation yet, boys"? "Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees. "Ah, England !" says the bartender. "Wonderful country ... the history, the beer, the culture ..." "Nah, we don't like all that British stuff," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude." Bartender asks: Then why keep going to England? "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
washguy Posted May 12, 2016 Report Share Posted May 12, 2016 You guys!! . Wash Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzukiray Posted May 12, 2016 Report Share Posted May 12, 2016 A teacher was asking each of the kids in her class what they needed at home? 1st kid says "A computer". Teacher replies "That'd be very useful." 2nd kid says "A new lawn mower" and gets a similar response Little Johnny pops up and says: " At my house we don't need anything." The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something. Little Johnny replies, "Nope I'm sure! When my sister started dating a Muslim, I remember Dad saying, Well, that's the last phucking thing we need." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daddyusmaximus Posted May 12, 2016 Report Share Posted May 12, 2016 Oh, man I'd go to jail if my daughter... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubbas4570 Posted May 12, 2016 Report Share Posted May 12, 2016 We have a good family friend whose daughter is currently daring a raghe....er Mooselimb. Not a good source of conversation for anyone, daughter's mother, my wife, or myself....we all are against it. This is not a joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted May 12, 2016 Report Share Posted May 12, 2016 4 hours ago, bubbas4570 said: We have a good family friend whose daughter is currently daring a raghe....er Mooselimb. Not a good source of conversation for anyone, daughter's mother, my wife, or myself....we all are against it. This is not a joke. Kick off a conversation with him by asking "Who is the god al'ilaya and who are his three daughters?" They hate that question, about the ancient moon god whose name was contracted to allah. It is even written that he was the only one to be worshipped, not his three daughters. Sure ain't the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubbas4570 Posted May 12, 2016 Report Share Posted May 12, 2016 I agree very much that allah is definitely NOT the same god as God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Thank you for that bit of info on the contraction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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