Boot_Scraper Posted February 22, 2020 Report Share Posted February 22, 2020 7 hours ago, 98Z5V said: Kinda like a boat? B.O.A.T. Break Out Another Thousand. A boat is a hole in the water that you throw money into. They say "If it floats, flies, or fncks, it's cheaper to rent". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radioactive Posted February 22, 2020 Report Share Posted February 22, 2020 Always fond of - if it’s got wheels or tits it will give you trouble Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted February 22, 2020 Report Share Posted February 22, 2020 I've survived owning two single engine airplanes both in the 1980s added King electronics to both myself and made good profits on both after logging only 200 hours on each of them over a three year period after my employer forbid me to fly private aviation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sisco Posted February 23, 2020 Report Share Posted February 23, 2020 19 hours ago, 98Z5V said: Kinda like a boat? B.O.A.T. Break Out Another Thousand. A boat is a hole in the water that you throw money into. Have owned 6 of them, yes they are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
392heminut Posted February 29, 2020 Report Share Posted February 29, 2020 On 2/21/2020 at 10:25 PM, 98Z5V said: Kinda like a boat? B.O.A.T. Break Out Another Thousand. A boat is a hole in the water that you throw money into. Exactly what my son up in Alaska says! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted March 10, 2020 Report Share Posted March 10, 2020 SENIOR SEX The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well." OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted March 10, 2020 Report Share Posted March 10, 2020 hahahaha! some good old memories thanks Mac! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted March 22, 2020 Report Share Posted March 22, 2020 A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied. Will you spend this on old car parts” the man asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. I haven't played with old cars in 20 years!" "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?" The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and old cars.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted March 22, 2020 Report Share Posted March 22, 2020 lol! I like that mrmackc🍻 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted March 22, 2020 Report Share Posted March 22, 2020 (edited) I finally found a nice clean joke without any "BAD WORDS" . . . Edited March 22, 2020 by mrmackc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DNP Posted March 23, 2020 Report Share Posted March 23, 2020 Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted March 24, 2020 Report Share Posted March 24, 2020 🍻👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boot_Scraper Posted April 3, 2020 Report Share Posted April 3, 2020 A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely: Are - my - test - results - back?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted April 5, 2020 Report Share Posted April 5, 2020 Good one brother😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmackc Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 ....Actually this isn't a JOKE, It is more realistic than funny. It is from one of my old Classic Chevy buddies from Kentucky, • Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem. • I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe. • I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator. • Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom • PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom. • Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job. • I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone • This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot. • So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them? • Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business. • My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet. • Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat. • I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear? • I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom. • Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun. • Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended. • Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shooterrex Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunuckgaucho Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 2 hours ago, mrmackc said: ....Actually this isn't a JOKE, It is more realistic than funny. It is from one of my old Classic Chevy buddies from Kentucky, • Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem. Well I have expanded my cooking repertoire and if anything drinking has become less of a problem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharpshooter Posted April 7, 2020 Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 The wife and I have a deal. She cooks, I drink. I think we've got that one covered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
98Z5V Posted April 7, 2020 Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 On 2/22/2020 at 6:20 AM, Radioactive said: Always fond of - if it’s got wheels or tits it will give you trouble Perspective, brother. That's all it is. If it's got wheels or tits, I can ride it, drive it, or make it squeal... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunuckgaucho Posted April 7, 2020 Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 5 hours ago, 98Z5V said: Perspective, brother. That's all it is. If it's got wheels or tits, I can ride it, drive it, or make it squeal... and you'll end up paying one way or another... there is a built in hidden cost surcharge on redheads. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radioactive Posted April 7, 2020 Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 7 hours ago, 98Z5V said: Perspective, brother. That's all it is. If it's got wheels or tits, I can ride it, drive it, or make it squeal... Add guns to the second one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted April 7, 2020 Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 2 hours ago, Cunuckgaucho said: and you'll end up paying one way or another... there is a built in hidden cost surcharge on redheads. The cost isn't hidden brother....it just doesn't matter.... it's a redhead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunuckgaucho Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharpshooter Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunuckgaucho Posted April 14, 2020 Report Share Posted April 14, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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