Joke of the day

mrmackc · October 30, 2020

10 hours ago, 98Z5V said:

Since the Beaver came up in that thread, I'll just spill the Beaver story. Right here and right now, dug up deeeeep from the archives here. The only thing I can say, is that "I'm gifted, with nature..."

Every time you think you're going out "hunting" - you're not. You're going into Combat. I shiit you not. If you want to fuk with nature, you better be ready for it.

Here's the Beaver Incident... It's really funny to laugh about this in a "funny jokes" thread. Until it happens TO YOU...

One day, I'll break the Skunk Story, poor little kid on his paper-route, early in the morning. I fucked that skunk up, with a rolled up newspaper - but not before "I was GOT..."

There are SO MANY more "nature stories" that I've got. Bottom line - it pays to be a combative person, in life. Otherwise, we'd have been eaten long ago. Fight HARD, men, and never, ever give up. Don't EVER give up. If you don't think, deep inside you, that you ARE the Apex Predator - something's gonna eat you.

Thus endeth the sermon...

A new sermon from a former friend........

Take your police dog with you when you go wandering out thru the wild stuff, if she comes back running, howling and parks behind you, starts biting you in the butt, just be thankful you have a 12 ga. double barreled pump shotgun loaded with 00 buck, quickly get in a sitting/kneeling position and look in the direction your doggie came from and kill anything big, middleing, or tiny that you get a glimpse of, Man you are in a dire situation, these wild things kill on sight or smell if you didn't already know it.

From a gay former BSA Scoutmaster , now on disability.

Cunuckgaucho · October 31, 2020

22 hours ago, 98Z5V said:

Since the Beaver came up in that thread, I'll just spill the Beaver story. Right here and right now, dug up deeeeep from the archives here. The only thing I can say, is that "I'm gifted, with nature..."

Every time you think you're going out "hunting" - you're not. You're going into Combat. I shiit you not. If you want to fuk with nature, you better be ready for it.

Here's the Beaver Incident... It's really funny to laugh about this in a "funny jokes" thread. Until it happens TO YOU...

One day, I'll break the Skunk Story, poor little kid on his paper-route, early in the morning. I fucked that skunk up, with a rolled up newspaper - but not before "I was GOT..."

There are SO MANY more "nature stories" that I've got. Bottom line - it pays to be a combative person, in life. Otherwise, we'd have been eaten long ago. Fight HARD, men, and never, ever give up. Don't EVER give up. If you don't think, deep inside you, that you ARE the Apex Predator - something's gonna eat you.

Thus endeth the sermon...

Guess that's why 1 Combat Engineer Regiment has the beaver in it's cap badge, note the sharpen stick :laffs:

Armed Eye Doc · October 31, 2020

Happy Halloween

A woman is having a costume party for halloween. The only rule is you have to dress up as an emotion.

The night of the party, the first guest arrives.The woman opens the door and sees a man wearing a green custume with green face paint.

What are you dressed up as? The man replies, well I'm green with envy. What a wonderful costume come right in.

After awhile another guest arrives. The woman opens the door and there's a girl dressed all in pink.

The woman says to the girl what a unique costume, what emotion are you? I'm tickled pink. What a great costume! Enjoy the party.

After awhile the woman hears another knock on the door. She opens the door and is shocked by what she sees. Standing naked on her porch are two huge black guys.

One of them has his dick in a custard, and the other has his dick in a pear. The woman says to them, you have some nerve! You have to be dressed as an emotion to attend this party. What are you talking about lady? We are emotions. I'm fuckin disgusted and he's deep in despair.

edgecrusher · October 31, 2020

On 10/30/2020 at 10:39 AM, mrmackc said:

A new sermon from a former friend........

Take your police dog with you when you go wandering out thru the wild stuff, if she comes back running, howling and parks behind you, starts biting you in the butt, just be thankful you have a 12 ga. double barreled pump shotgun loaded with 00 buck, quickly get in a sitting/kneeling position and look in the direction your doggie came from and kill anything big, middleing, or tiny that you get a glimpse of, Man you are in a dire situation, these wild things kill on sight or smell if you didn't already know it.

From a gay former BSA Scoutmaster , now on disability.

If your dog is running from anything it’s not a police dog. Period.

mrmackc · November 1, 2020

22 hours ago, edgecrusher said:

If your dog is running from anything it’s not a police dog. Period.

Don't worry about what kind of dog you have, worry about what it saw!

edgecrusher · November 1, 2020

My dog won’t run from anything but I understand what you’re saying. My point was a real dog won’t run.

Cunuckgaucho · November 14, 2020

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shooterrex · November 14, 2020

mrmackc · November 16, 2020

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust!".

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.

mrmackc · November 16, 2020

Getting old isn't good.

I felt so bad last week that I decided to donate my body for medical research. The young lady I talked to on the phone, said "OKAY, let's see when you want to come in," put me on hold. . ." Well how about 10:00 AM tomorrow," I went in and she handed me a bus ticket to Dallas Medical School . I decided to put it in the gun safe right after after I had a few Black Jack and 7up drinks and got to feeling a bit better, and decided to go fishing instead. Tomorrow I'm going deer hunting, and take a six pack of brewski,

"Life git's tedious sometimes, don't it?"

Edited November 16, 2020 by mrmackc