sketch Posted June 15, 2014 Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 That's for air bag gags I thought?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DNP Posted June 15, 2014 Report Share Posted June 15, 2014 Good spot to hide rotting objects, from what I've heard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armed Eye Doc Posted June 17, 2014 Report Share Posted June 17, 2014 A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Cabela's associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?' He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.' She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.' She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. 'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around? The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.' The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?' He replies, 'Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gnatshooter Posted June 17, 2014 Report Share Posted June 17, 2014 LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Microgunner Posted June 18, 2014 Report Share Posted June 18, 2014 Got me to giggling again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toolndie7 Posted June 18, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2014 Thats a funny one Doc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armed Eye Doc Posted June 19, 2014 Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work." The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work." The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work." The United States doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Five years ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no balls and made him President. Now, the whole country is looking for work!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt.Cross Posted June 19, 2014 Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work." The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work." The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work." The United States doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Five years ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no balls and made him President. Now, the whole country is looking for work!" Wait a minute, that's not a joke! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted June 19, 2014 Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 Your killin me Doc... <thumbsup> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sketch Posted June 20, 2014 Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 I'm taking that one to the crew tomorrow !! Thanks doc!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted June 27, 2014 Report Share Posted June 27, 2014 Number 19 reminded me of the .40 S&W. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted July 8, 2014 Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 Ouch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gnatshooter Posted July 8, 2014 Report Share Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) Okay, so here's how some think it really happened: It came to pass one evening that Adam was walking in the Garden of Eden, and God looked down upon him, and said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." For Adam, unlike all the birds of the air, and the beasts of the field, had no mate. Therefore, God spoke to Adam, saying, "I shall make for you a woman, who will be completely faithful to you, and meet all of your needs, without complaint, for the rest of your life." Adam marveled at these words, and spoke to God, saying, "Surely something as wonderful as this shall cost me dearly." And God replied, saying, "Yea, verily, to have this woman will cost you an arm and a leg." Whereupon Adam grew fearful, and asked God, "What can I get for a rib?" Edited July 8, 2014 by gnatshooter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toolndie7 Posted August 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2014 A man and a woman are having sex, when her husband comes home early... "Quick, hide!" she says, so the man grabs his clothes and jumps into the closet. The man hears the hushed voice of a young boy in the closet. "Sure is dark in here." "Indeed it is," the man responds. "I have a baseball," says the boy. "That's nice," he says. "I'll sell it to you for $50." "$50? That's a little steep for a baseball, son." "Well, my dad has a shotgun. Wanna see that?" "Tell you what, you have yourself a deal," says the man, and he pays the kid $50. A week later, the man and the woman are having sex, when once again the woman's husband comes home early. Grabbing his clothes, the man jumps into the closet. "Sure is dark in here," says the boy. "Oh, it's you again." "I have a baseball glove." "Alright, how much do you want for it?" "$700." "$700? That's absurd!" "Well, my dad has a shotgun. Would you rather see that?" "Alright, alright, $700," so he pays the kid. That Sunday, the father says to his son, "Go get your mitt, let's throw the ball around." The boy says, "I can't, Dad. I sold my ball and glove." "For how much?" he asks. "$750." "$750? Son, it's wrong to rip off your friends. I'm taking you to church for confession." They drive to church and the boy kneels in the confession booth. "Sure is dark in here," he says. The priest says, "Don't start that poop again." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DNP Posted August 5, 2014 Report Share Posted August 5, 2014 Laughed pretty good with that one. Might send that to the church... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sisco Posted August 5, 2014 Report Share Posted August 5, 2014 Ooooh! You got me on that one. Have a couple of former altar boys I need to tell that to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shibiwan Posted August 5, 2014 Report Share Posted August 5, 2014 I need a plan to get the guy who parks directly in front of my shop where I usually park. This douchebag works at the very first unit (6 doors away).....hmmm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Microgunner Posted August 5, 2014 Report Share Posted August 5, 2014 Get there early a few mornings and park in front of his unit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rsquared Posted August 5, 2014 Report Share Posted August 5, 2014 That doesn't make sense. Why would the nimrod park in front of your shop? To leave room for the masses flocking towards his? <laughs> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
98Z5V Posted August 6, 2014 Report Share Posted August 6, 2014 Shib, take a $hit in the fresh air intake vents of his car. Pack it in there good. Cat$hit works amazingly well for these things. <thumbsup> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted August 6, 2014 Report Share Posted August 6, 2014 I need a plan to get the guy who parks directly in front of my shop where I usually park. This douchebag works at the very first unit (6 doors away).....hmmm One of the guys I work with now had that same issue. He made up a "Parking Reserved for Johnny" sign, then affixed it to the guy's windshield facing in, with a clear industrial adhesive...lots of cursing, lots of threats, but he never parked even on the same SIDE again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shibiwan Posted August 6, 2014 Report Share Posted August 6, 2014 That doesn't make sense. Why would the nimrod park in front of your shop? To leave room for the masses flocking towards his? <laughs> Probably because there's a tree in front of my shop and therefore it's one of the few shaded spots. I've only got 3 spots directly in front of the shop and the other douche (next door) takes one of them leaving 2. Now this new douche suddenly decides to park in "my spot" since Monday so I have to squeeze between the two spots. The end unit houses a telecom/networking equipment supplier/installer. They have a bunch of F150's but they also have the most parking since they have spots around the side of their unit and it's never fully parked over there. Shib, take a $hit in the fresh air intake vents of his car. Pack it in there good. Cat$hit works amazingly well for these things. <thumbsup> I was considering urine in those vents. Cat pee is especially nasty, but I got no cats. The next option I was considering is the aluminum shavings and chips that I have... Came in at 6:45 this morning and took the spot back. Great to live only 5 mins away. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toolndie7 Posted August 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2014 hose clamp a cap screw to his driveshaft. Will take him awhile to find the vibration. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planeflyer21 Posted August 6, 2014 Report Share Posted August 6, 2014 hose clamp a cap screw to his driveshaft. Will take him awhile to find the vibration. lol <laughs> Another I heard was push a marble down the window slot in the door (if you can). Person I heard about took it to several shops to find out what was rattling and nobody ever found it...they sold the vehicle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unforgiven Posted August 7, 2014 Report Share Posted August 7, 2014 Valve grinding compound in the crankcase,or stripezz and brake fluid in a squirt gun and apply liberally on the paint.Don't as k me how I know. :ugone2far: [ See misunderstood] <lmao> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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